The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
