i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
