About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
