did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
