Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
