I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
