U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
