And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
