His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
