3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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