I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
