u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
