Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
