i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
