I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
