I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
