your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
