So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
