I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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