Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just pee around me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
