My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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