I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
