do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
