My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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