That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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