Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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