i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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