His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
