It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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