I am in a vortex of obligation.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
