If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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