He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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