I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
