i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize
