I got chris browned last night
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
