Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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