yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
being pregnant is like rehab
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
