I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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