how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't turn off my feet"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
