My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
