My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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