Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
