I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
