We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
