Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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