no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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