I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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