You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
