Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
