i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
